So what’s your favorite fast food joint?
What comes to mind is Wendy’s, but it can change. There are ones that I”m severely disappointed by, and a lot of them are in airports, so it’s like, do you really judge Burger King by the one in JFK? But with Wendy’s, it feels like it’s always a safe bet.

Who’s your favorite fast food mascot?
I think that Ronald McDonald is really scary and creepy, so there’s something really appealing about that.

(laughs) But Ronald McDonald literally feels like the first idea they came up with.
There was no thought. “Well, what about just a clown?” Well, let’s think this through! It’s just a clown, alright? All the characters around them are much more well thought out, like the Hamburglar, but with Ronald: “We need a mascot for McDonalds.” ‘All right, yeah. Uh, how about McDonald, uh, Ronald McDonald? And he’s a clown. ‘What does he do?’ ‘He doesn’t do anything.’”

But also Colonel Sanders, having a creepy old guy as your mascot. I read this book about fast food that my wife gave to me in hopes that I would stop eating it (laughs) and there’s some great stories behind fast food.

Like supposedly KFC was really good fried chicken and then they sold it and they kinda bailed on the original recipe, and Colonel Sanders went apeshit. He was like, “What this?” And they literally had to sue him to shut him up cause I think he was doing the equivalent of going on the Today Show saying that KFC is not his recipe.

For more Jim Gaffigan be sure to pick up the NEW Royal Flush Book 6.

Who are you wearing?
“I’m wearing a pair of levis and some vans. I’m wearing a beige shirt and a lucky jacket. That’s what I’m really wearing, well, underneath is all Fredrick’s of Hollywood. I have a map of Japan on the back of my luggage jacket. So people behind me know where they’re at…when I’m in Japan.”

Favorite comicbook?
“I have recently been getting into the Alejandro Jodorowsky comic books, which are comic books for sophisticated people, (laughs) which I’m not, but… They’re more graphic novels, ya know? But those are pretty cool; they’re all psychedelic and weird, they make for good bathroom reading and I really love his movies.

Favorite Pro-Wrestler?
“I was that one kid in school who was like, it’s fake, I don’t like it. Everyone was like, “it’s not fake!” I was almost drawn into fistfights at school. I never liked any of that stuff. I was gay as a child and grew up to be straight. It’s rare that that happens; usually it’s the other way around. I liked Hulk Hogan because he was in the Rocky movie and those were real so…you know what I mean. It was, the ultimate man vs. the ultimate meatball! You can quote me on that. The meatball being Sylvester Stallone.”

Favorite Cartoon Character?
“Meatwad! I love Meatwad, he’s so innocent. He’s like a little baby, but he gets sophisticated every now and then. He knows more than you think. All of the sudden he’ll start sputtering out all this knowledge and you’re all like, “wow, I didn’t know there was something to be learned from Meatwad, but there is”. I also really liked He-Man, which probably goes along with the gay child thing because now I watch it and that’s one gay cartoon. Skeletor is extremely gay. Adam and his little cat, that’s really gay and he wears pink and purple leotards the whole time when he’s Adam, Prince Adam.”

Favorite fast food mascot?
“It would have to be the 1st incantation of Ronald McDonald. He’s got like a happy meal for a head. Or he’s got like a happy meal coming out the side, he looks homeless, some bum, like he’s about to attack you. He looks like he just got done drinking a couple of mad dog 20/20s.”

Favortite Curseword?
“Definitely the F word. I was like 4, I think. When did I start using the F word dad? Yeah, I was four. My dad just confirmed it. I said it very innocently though. My dad was trying to shield me from that kind of language and someone cut us off and dad was like “that jerk, cut us off, I don’t like him” and I leaned up and was like, “you mean he’s a fucking asshole dad?” That’s the story. It’s a true story.”

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
“I’d be Charlie brown’s Christmas tree.”
You’re on death row, what’s your last meal?
“ I guess I would eat a pile of sea urchin because it would take me so long to get through it, you know? Something that would prolong my life so I could get that call from the governor I’ve been waiting on.”

What about you would really surprise people?
“That I have wooden legs and real feet.”

Finish these statements

1. If I ruled the world…I’d

“If I ruled the world, I’d make sure that Europe had plenty of ice machines. They don’t have any ice over there. It sucks!”

2. In 2032 Humans will…

“In 2032 humans will be decimated and cockroaches will rule the world.”

Royal Flush’s Celebrity Shake Down.

What do you bench?
I’m not a bencher any more. I’m more of a squatter these days.

Finish these sentences.
In 2038 human beings will… no longer be interested in e-mail interviews.

If I ruled the world… I would make death illegal.

If you were on Death Row what would your last meal be?
Whatever looks best vomited back up upon being injected with lethal poison.

Favorite Fast Food Mascot?
The Big Boy franchise. Scary and beguiling.

How much ya bench?
In liquids or solids?

Favorite writer and artist?
The sci-fi writer Iain Banks, and I’ve always loved N.C. Wythe.

Favorite Pro-Wrestler?
George ‘The Animal’ Steele

Favorite Comic Character?
Mister X

Favorite fast food mascot?
The Fry Guys from McDonalds

You’re on death row, what’s your last meal?
An all you can eat buffet.

What was the first record you ever bought?
The first thing I remember buying was a Bark at the Moon cassette.

What’s your dream bill – Clutch and who else?
I would love to open up for AC/DC.

Finish these statements
1. If I ruled the world… I’d elevate the Fry Guys to a saintly status.
2. In 2032 Humans will… be doing the same shit they’re doing right now.

How long does it take to become Jerry Only? Well it could be done in fifteen minutes, but usually I need a good half an hour.

Favorite Misfits song of all time and why?
“American Nightmare,” and “Astro Zombies” too. We did “American Nightmare” in the studio you know. Just made it up on the spot. We started playing and Googy jumped in with a beat. Very spontaneous, that’s why I liked it.

Least favorite Misifts song and why?
Spook City U.S.A., hahaha.

At Royal Flush we like to do word associations. I’m going to say a name and then you give me a one word answer.
Shoot

RF: Vincent Price
Tall

RF: Glenn Danzig
Hahaha, not tall

RF: Vampira
Hot

RF: Vampiro
Haha, not hot

RF: Robo
Off beat

RF: Chud
Haha, my answer is Chud

RF: Graves
Good kid

RF: Dr. Death Steve Williams
Crazy

RF: Bobby Steele
Good guy, nice fella

RF: Doyle
The best

RF: Joey Ramone
Legend

RF: Oderus Urungus
Hahaha, insane

RF: George W. Bush
Hahaha, insane too, I don’t know

RF: Jerry Only-
Persistant!

Interview by Josh Bernstein