Who could be madder than the Motor City Madman?
The ‘Nuge got on the famed Royal Flush couch for a therapy session straight to the heart of darkness! He’s tried and he’s true; he’s Ted, white and blue!
WHO ARE YOU HATING MOST THESE DAYS, MISTER NUGENT?
Pam Anderson. Pam, if you get the dick out of your mouth for 2 minutes, you’re telling me I can’t eat venison? You don’t authorize venison? Here’s the point, this is what I want somewhere in your little interview. My name is Ted Nugent and because of Pam Anderson and because of Bill Maher and because of Paul McCartney, all the members of Peta, whenever I hear the word animal or rights in the same paragraph, I’m killing an extra hundred of something this year. I have unlimited deer tags in Michigan and Texas, and I don’t even need to kill them really, but I’m going to for Bill Maher. I’m not just killing them I’m fucking slaughtering them and I’m going to gut them and skin them, quarter them and butcher them and feed them to the soup kitchen and homeless shelters of America. Not because I need to, because it will cause Bill Maher to shit blood. That’s my goal in life.
YOU REALLY DISLIKE BILL MAHER…
I’m gonna take off one of my Deep Vibram sole boots and I’m gonna take out my knife and I’m gonna scrape the remains of dead vermin onto his desk and he can find out where his rights start. It’s funnier than Richard Pryor on fire. I’m stymied to come up with anything funnier than people who think animals have rights. Just stick an arrow through their lungs.
I THINK THAT BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA SHOULD BE PUT IN JAIL
EVER THOUGHT OF TRYING TO GO VEGAN?
If I really wanted to maximize the death toll, I would go into business creating tofu for the vegetarians. ’Cause in order to create tofu, you have to take that wonderful giant tractor, you have to go across that field and every songbird, every gopher, every squirrel, every turtle, every rabbit, every mouse, every shrew, every snake, every bug, everything there must die.
In order to go full tofu, you have to have 100% complete annihilation of all life forms. To the vegetarians, how deep is the cloak of denial? How can you pretend that Paul McCartney isn’t responsible for killing anything? I kill stuff one arrow at a time. Meanwhile, Paul McCartney, master of the final solution, only thinks of his tofu consumption. I believe that every bowl of tofu is responsible for the death of billions of things. I can’t compete with that and I can’t compete with Paul McCartney’s death toll.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THE CHILDREN ARE THE FUTURE?
I see this self-imposed suicidal curse of political correctness when I hear an entire segment of this country chanting for Barack Hussein Obama that won’t do anything for our country. But they will scream and whine what the country must do for them. It breaks my heart.
SO, OBAMA SUPPORTERS ARE WHINY, DO-NOTHING INGRATES?
I see gluttony and slovenliness and laziness and a lifestyle of bloodsucking actually becoming legitimate job descriptions in this country and I can elaborate on that if you need me to. I mean, I can go into the soullessness.Politics are where we the people make a determination, not some Nazi brown-shirt hurting Jews on the trains. And that’s the difference between America and every place else.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF OBAMA?
I think that Barack Hussein Obama should be put in jail. It is clear that Barack Hussein Obama is a communist. Mao Tse Tung lives and his name is Barack Hussein Obama. This country should be ashamed. I wanna throw up.
WOW- SO WHERE DOES ONE LIVE FREE, LIKE A REAL AMERICAN, MISTER NUGENT?
Texas! I left Michigan and I moved to Texas, where they don’t rape and pillage my paycheck. And where I can keep a machine gun in the front seat of my vehicle. Mess with me and I will fill you full of lead and then dance on your remains and keep the shit from your carcass in the cleats of my boots while I feed my dog your remains. You can feel the love, can’t you?
ARE YOU HAPPY IN YOUR LIFE?
I’m the luckiest son of a bitch to ever scare white people with an electric guitar.
WHY DO YOU HUNT?
The last pure perfect function of mankind. And that’s killing deer and eatin’ ‘em. It’s perfect. It’s untouchable on all levels. Unless you’re retarded…
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF SOMEONE STEPPED ON YOUR LAWN?
Trespass on my property and I will kill you. Now, that may seem harsh, but that’s tough shit. Because guess what nobody’s getting killed, and nobody’s trespassing. It’s working perfectly.
WHO DO YOU RESPECT THE LEAST?
Pimps, whores and welfare brats are not legitimate job descriptions. Welfare isn’t supposed to be used for hairdos. If you need food stamps, eat the fucking pet!
WHENEVER I HEAR THE WORLD ANIMAL OR RIGHTS IN THE SAME PARAGRAPH, I’M KILLING AN EXTRA HUNDRED OF SOMETHING
DO YOU ENJOY THIS LINE OF QUESTIONING?
My brain is gonna squirt through the phone lines and stain your face.
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO PEOPLE THAT DISAGREE WITH YOU OPINIONS?
Whatever! I am always right and I am addicted to logic. Jann Wenner won’t do a story on my sold-out tour this year because I’m on the board of directors at the NRA. Jann Wenner should die.
YOU GOTTA CALM DOWN, NUGE!
No! I’ll never calm down. I’ll play country music if I calm down. What the fuck. If you’re not having a good time with Ted Nugent, you’re the one that’s mentally deranged!
TED, DO CARTOON ANIMALS HAVE RIGHTS?
They’re the ones that should have rights. Bambi and Thumper are just adorable and you can’t eat celluloid. I am pro-cartoon animal rights. I think they should all be colorized and that the Road Runner cartoons should be shown in school to teach students violence from Acme. Support the Acme Violence Jihad!! ♠