Ladies and Gentlemen, let the record show that I am an adult. I have responsibilities. People may rely on me for things and I may not let them down. I dress myself, pay my rent, work at a job, pay bills, taxes, and I have an active Netflix subscription. I am a card carrying member of the commuter class and I will not have it said that I do not do my bit for the orderly flow of society.
Holding the UltraSabers Custom “Renegade” Kylo Ren Lightsaber in my hands I feel a slight de-evolution begin to wash over me. I begin to feel as if I belong in a time long ago and perhaps even in a galaxy far away. The heft and weight of the aircraft grade aluminum hilt sits satisfyingly in my hands while I perch in my finest warrior stance proudly in the bedroom of my apartment. Something visceral does take over and perhaps it is even muscle memory which dictates the sword forms which flow from me, one into the other. I’ll have you know that while I do only have one year of Ninjutsu under my belt, my mind was like a sponge in that year and much has stuck with me so you will not be surprised to learn that it is with pure elegance and verve in which I called out the opposing Jedi at the top of my lungs and commanded them to join with me or die. My housemates, though woken from their sleep on an early Thursday morning would have no doubt applauded if they were in the right frame of mind.
There’s something about holding an UltraSabers saber which causes me to remember the concept of joy.
The disappointing thing about an UltraSabers saber is that despite how real it feels I will unfortunately not be cutting through the kitchen wall my landlord was supposed to remove two years ago. And that’s really the worst thing I can say about it. It does feel real. I’m a large human being at 6’4” and this thing has a good weight in my hands and the hilt is a true two-handed hilt. Standing from the ground it reaches a full 50 inches off the ground (4’2”). The switch to turn the lights on is responsive and satisfying, and if this was an real weapon I would feel confident carrying it into battle. If only I could find an Ilum crystal to focus my undeniable connection with the force, this UltraSabers saber would be the housing which would give rise to the greatest empire this puny section of the Universe has ever seen.
I’ll have to look for the crystal on the weekends as work is pretty hectic right now.
And while I never would have expected to join the Dark Side as a youngling it certainly feels natural now. You however can choose your own side and from a wide range of hilts on the UltraSabers website. There’s even a sound option, which while I have to make do with the sounds gushing unasked for from my own mouth, you need not be so analog.
The Saber came delivered in two packages, and was easily unboxed. The only assembly required was slotting the ‘saber bars’ into the hilt and tightening the screws with an allen wrench. From schlub to Sith in 5 minutes. It seems quite durable though I confess I haven’t hit anyone with it yet as it’s difficult to find an appropriate apprentice these days. Replacement parts are reasonably priced and there’s a range of durability options. The hilt itself feels so real it’s scary and that’s honestly the greatest attraction here, it’s solid and strong and has an excellent weight to it.
Now, where in my house am I going to mount this?
Want to create your own Renegade Crossguard Saber? Check out the UltraSabers website for more information.
† A Renegade Crossguard Saber was provided by UltraSabers saber for review purposes.