Who are you wearing?
“I’m wearing a pair of levis and some vans. I’m wearing a beige shirt and a lucky jacket. That’s what I’m really wearing, well, underneath is all Fredrick’s of Hollywood. I have a map of Japan on the back of my luggage jacket. So people behind me know where they’re at…when I’m in Japan.”
“I have recently been getting into the Alejandro Jodorowsky comic books, which are comic books for sophisticated people, (laughs) which I’m not, but… They’re more graphic novels, ya know? But those are pretty cool; they’re all psychedelic and weird, they make for good bathroom reading and I really love his movies.
“I was that one kid in school who was like, it’s fake, I don’t like it. Everyone was like, “it’s not fake!” I was almost drawn into fistfights at school. I never liked any of that stuff. I was gay as a child and grew up to be straight. It’s rare that that happens; usually it’s the other way around. I liked Hulk Hogan because he was in the Rocky movie and those were real so…you know what I mean. It was, the ultimate man vs. the ultimate meatball! You can quote me on that. The meatball being Sylvester Stallone.”
Favorite Cartoon Character?
“Meatwad! I love Meatwad, he’s so innocent. He’s like a little baby, but he gets sophisticated every now and then. He knows more than you think. All of the sudden he’ll start sputtering out all this knowledge and you’re all like, “wow, I didn’t know there was something to be learned from Meatwad, but there is”. I also really liked He-Man, which probably goes along with the gay child thing because now I watch it and that’s one gay cartoon. Skeletor is extremely gay. Adam and his little cat, that’s really gay and he wears pink and purple leotards the whole time when he’s Adam, Prince Adam.”
Favorite fast food mascot?
“It would have to be the 1st incantation of Ronald McDonald. He’s got like a happy meal for a head. Or he’s got like a happy meal coming out the side, he looks homeless, some bum, like he’s about to attack you. He looks like he just got done drinking a couple of mad dog 20/20s.”
“Definitely the F word. I was like 4, I think. When did I start using the F word dad? Yeah, I was four. My dad just confirmed it. I said it very innocently though. My dad was trying to shield me from that kind of language and someone cut us off and dad was like “that jerk, cut us off, I don’t like him” and I leaned up and was like, “you mean he’s a fucking asshole dad?” That’s the story. It’s a true story.”
If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
“I’d be Charlie brown’s Christmas tree.”
You’re on death row, what’s your last meal?
“ I guess I would eat a pile of sea urchin because it would take me so long to get through it, you know? Something that would prolong my life so I could get that call from the governor I’ve been waiting on.”
What about you would really surprise people?
“That I have wooden legs and real feet.”
Finish these statements
1. If I ruled the world…I’d
“If I ruled the world, I’d make sure that Europe had plenty of ice machines. They don’t have any ice over there. It sucks!”
2. In 2032 Humans will…
“In 2032 humans will be decimated and cockroaches will rule the world.”